What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
