This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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