A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
