SEEEEXXX PLEASE
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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