I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
