Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
