Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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