My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
