Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You made out with two different species that night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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