We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
