Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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