You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
