I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
