Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
