the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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