it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
