my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
