i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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