I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
