It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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