im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You pole danced in your parka.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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