My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
