bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
