theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize