My hand turned me down
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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