Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
