i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
