I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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