Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
