you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
