This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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