did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
