I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
