dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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