Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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