That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize