Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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