Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
