i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
