all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is my gift to your gina
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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