I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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