Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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