Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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