Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
