omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So. Much. Porn.
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