the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
