I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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