yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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