Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
