And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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