there's paper in my vomit.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
