Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
