I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
