i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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