i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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