i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
