dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
