at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
