don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
