We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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