Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
