checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you win again, gameday.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
