Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
two words...techno handjob
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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