i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
