Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
