I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
