Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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