you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
