I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
