Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
