i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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