Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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