Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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