You can't motorboat a personality
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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