i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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