I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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