just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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