shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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