this boner is exhausting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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